If we were having coffee today it would have been out on my new porch in the beautiful sunshine with blankets and cozy pillows! It is not spring here yet, but the sunshine is amazing, and the crisp air is healing.
Today I took the kids out for a small stroll in the neighborhood. We should have done that a long time ago! It was amazing! And there was plenty of places for the kids to play, climb and run.
IBut the best part was us being outside together, chatting, playing, laughing and walking. We haven’t been so relaxed in a very long time. And when we got back home the kids wanted to stay outside and play! They stayed outside and played for three more hours and then we all had family tacos before shower and bedtime stories. A perfect end to a really really good family spring break. Tomorrow we are going back to the everyday life. I haven’t really missed it this time, I usually do….
If we were having coffee today I would tell you that this week with the kids have been so good, but this week emotionally has been so rough. I keep getting into these conversations where I have to address the though stuff. Where I need to feel it all. And process it. And finally do something about it. You know that’s not my way. Or at least it wasn’t my way a year ago. These days I am changing, have you noticed? I hadn’t. Until the conversation about friendships this week. Today when I tell you about this I see so clearly how much I have changed. And it applies to so many different parts of my life. Tomorrow I am going back into teacher training, and I am not nervous. I am actually excited and eager to get back there. And this is me 6th teacher practice, but the first I am not stressed about!
If we were having coffee today I would tell you that my yoga practice are slowly waking up. My arm is still not doing all I want it too, and I am not nearly as flexible as I was. But I am doing it. I am on my mat almost every day. Progress. And I share it again on Instagram, it motivates me to work on my poses. It motivates me to accept my body. The body movement on Instagram about every body being a yoga body is really pushing me.
Even though the skinny, beautiful girls are dominating my Instagram feed, I am slowly finding real people. People with a body in whatever size doing awesome yoga and being a real inspiration. I also follow a few on Snapchat and they are just so real!
I’m even considering to attend yoga class in my town again, but I want my practice at home to be more steady and my arm to be stronger. But a teacher at work is going there, and she encouraged me to attend, so I will do it sometime later this year.
If we were having coffee today I would tell you my eating disorder thoughts are crawling in my mind these days. I am staying as faithful as I can to eating 4-5 times a day. And I now feel fullness and hunger. But when I feel fullness I can’t stop myself if there is more food available. And I don’t like that. I know I need to downsize my portions, because I feel full before my plate is empty. But I don’t know how. I have been doing this size for so long that it just feels impossible. But I am eating only two slices of bread when I have bread instead of my previous four slices, so I know I can. But with dinner it just feels hard. Really hard. So now my thoughts about gaining weight instead of loosing because I can’t manage to downsize my portions have made me think about dropping food and just starve myself a bit. But, I haven’t gotten there, because I know it is wrong. But my mind is having a crazy battle these days. And I am not happy about the body I am currently living in, but now I am wondering if it will be ever possible for me to change my ways. I can’t exercise right now because I know I would push it to hard, push myself and end up not eating. What a catch 22!
If we were having coffee today I would tell you that 2016 has not turned out as I expected it to be so far, it has been two really rough months. In addition time is flying. Next month is my birthday month. I am turning 39. I am not stressed about it, I don’t identify with the number. But I guess that in some ways I am my number too, because today when I watched Yogagirl’s Snapchat from the Envision Festival in Costa Rica I realized that a festival like that is not for me anymore. I would rather take a trip to a quiet place on a beach for a yoga retreat, where I could have a hotel room or bungalow with fresh sheets and towels LOL But I do love to dance, so maybe when I get into the body my soul and mind can connect too I might feel differently 😉 But right now I love my quiet life with teacups, books, candle lights and my internet connection, but I love the memories of sand between my toes, moonlight in my hair, drum and bass rhythms in my soul and love in my heart on a beach in Thailand ❤
I love having coffee with you, it wraps up the week so nicely and sometimes good memories appear too, so many blessings! How has your week been? Did you have a more peaceful week? Or did you feel like crawling under a rock every now and then like me?
Until next time, stay safe and always remember to love yourself ❤