Frustration!

So I have this urge to write, but there is so little time! There have been many years since life was as busy as it is right now, and some days I wonder if I really like it like this… Some days I don’t even know what the day is or how to get through everything I have to do!

Image result for burning my candle at both endsAnd in some ways I know if I stay on this track I will hit that horrible dark spot again, the one I have stayed clear from for over 2 years now. It’s not like I feel it coming, but I just know that if I keep burning my candle at both ends it will happen. So how does anyone find the balance between excitement and relaxation? The balance between giving and receiving? The balance to live happily in high speed and slowing down when needed?

I definitely don’t have the answers yet! But I know that I have taken some small steps to change my environment to help me find the balance. This last weekend I changed out my yoga space in my bedroom with an office space. Because honestly, I never did yoga in my bedroom after I created a yoga space in the living room. Image result for easelAnd who needs TWO yoga spots in one house LOL 😉
So now its22.41 pm and I’m not crawled up in bed yet, I am sitting in my office space and writing. And it feels great to have this time by myself. To do what I love! Because before I got this space I went to bed when the kids did around 9 pm and watched movies and just slept. My office space was then in the hallway and I made to much noise for the kids to sleep and I felt uninspired sitting alone in a long dark hallway. Now I have my stuff all around me and I can light candles and incense sticks and just enjoy writing, or even paint if I feel like it 🙂 All I want from Santa now is an easel, that would make my personal space even more fun!!

So hopefully I will be around more, and I am also looking forward to writing more about my inner journey over the last 6 months. It has been a lot of changes, and I feel ready to share some of it soon ❤ And hopefully I will be able to start sharing on the Survivers blog too soon ❤

See you around soon!

 

 

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Day 51 of gratitude 💕

Normalization. Our everyday life is back to normal. Maybe even better than normal since we have these new house rules that helps me to get the kids off their iPads and cartoons 👍🏻 

This happened last night and tonight they are sleeping together ❤️   
Today they also begged to go outside 😳 usually I have to kick them out 😂 I just pray it last, because I’m truly loving it 😃

  
#mytribe 
I didn’t get much done today, but some days just needs to be rest days. Tomorrow we are rearranging the bedrooms, and cleaning the house. Not looking forward to it, but we are doing it together as a family 👍🏻👍🏻 now I’m logging off to enjoy a glass of Coke, some chocolate and Netflix ☺️☺️ have a great Saturday! 

Weekend coffee share ☕️

weekendcoffeeshareIf we were having coffee today I would tell you how much you mean to me and that I’m grateful to have you as a friend.

I would tell you that the world feels like a very scary place right now. But on the other side it feels like I’m living in a bubble. When I see the terror in the news it feels close but still far far away. I guess it’s because I’m not traveling at the moment, and we are living in the middle of nowhere. But I guess there can be attacks here too.

But its important to me to not feel scared, because if I do let fear into my life right now it might drag me into my darkness again. The last four months has been really positive and good, So I try to stay away from everything that can change my current balance. But I would tell you that it doesn’t mean that I’m hiding from the truth, I’m just not absorbing it completely.

If we were having coffee today I would also tell you that I had two awesome weeks at my school doing my teacher practice. I learned a lot and I found out that I’m feeling much more confident this year than last year.I would also tell you that I’m struggling with my subjects for next year, because I want to be able to work and I might have to take some subjects I don’t have on my priority list just to make my schedule available for substitute teaching. It’s not subjects I don’t find important, it’s subjects I was planning to take later on in life.

But it’s OK I’m used to change and I’m used to adapt to my circumstances. The main goal is to finish my education so I can apply for a steady job and fix my financial situation once and for all.
If we were having coffee today I would tell you I was soooooo close to get out the Christmas stuff today, but I managed to stay away from it. It’s way too early. Instead I got all the kids outside and we tidied up the yard and now we are ready for snow and winter. I’m super excited about Christmas and I can’t wait to get ready to bake and decorate two weeks from now.

12241443_10153586242721005_566271382677028455_nIf we were having coffee today I would also tell you that I’ve thought about this Paris situation a lot regarding my kids. Since we don’t have the TV on in our house much they have no clue what has happened, and I am not sure what to tell or not to tell. So right now I’m not saying much. And hopefully they will be OK. Because there are so much horrible stuff going on in the world, there are terror attacks not only in Paris but many many other places too. And I just want to protect them from the horror and let them live in ignorance for as long as possible.

And earlier today I was changing my picture on Facebook to the one with the filter of the French flag. But then I realized later what about the other countries flags? Why doesn’t this happen when other countries are attacked? So I had to change it back. And then someone commented on praying, he said something about stop all the praying there’s enough religious issue going on. But I pray, not because I’m religious and believe in a God. I pray that humans will take responsible choices, I pray that humans can put love before war,I pray that we as humans can stand together for peace.

And lastly before we end our cozy coffee chat I will tell you I have faith in the human kind. I have faith in love. And it might sound childish and stupid, but I believe times will get better.
So how have you been doing, are you safe where you are in the world? Are you physically safe? Do you feel safe? My love is with you, always and forever ❤️

Do or don’t.. so hard to choose!

Life as it is today.

image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/127648970662026158/

I’m not really sure how I feel about life today to be honest. Hmmmm…. I feel like I’m in the eye of the storm. But that the storm is really not that big a dangerous or horrific. It’s just that I don’t know how to get out of it.

I am not sure if this is the beginning of a depressive period again or just a rough couple of days.

I had a long good conversation with my therapist on Monday we talked about the future, about my group therapy, about my school situation.

So I’ve had some bumps in the road with my arm lately and last week I discovered that my group therapy and English lectures fell on the same day.

First I thought I would get a video from the part that I missed out on every Tuesday but then my university told me I didn’t have a valid reason to get the video. So then I felt I needed to choose between therapy and lecture, and that felt horrible! Because I know I can’t skip out on therapy and I can’t skip out on school. They are a deeply connected for my recovery.

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So during the weekend I decided to try to change my subject this year from English to arts and crafts. Since they have lectures on Wednesday and I have nothing else to do on Wednesdays. So I told my therapist so and she then said she felt that I should delay group therapy until after Christmas because of my broken arm. Because I would have a hard time driving to the hospital every week.

I felt kind of relieved when she told me that was an option, because I didn’t think it was.
So yesterday I talked to my university counselor and we changed from English to arts and crafts!

I was really excited about the possibility to have everything organized and in order for the fall. But then I talked to my therapist again today and she said that group therapy after Christmas might be on another day than Tuesday and that she felt that I should take English now after all!!

But the choice is made, I will be doing arts and crafts now.

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I also discovered that my university don’t have the third and fourth section of English that I want. I would have to take that at another university. And a classmate told me that there is another university that offers all four sections of the English I need online. No meetings everything is online. It cost a little bit more than my regular University, but I think it’s worth it. And I can do it in addition to my studies at the University I am at now!

That’s pretty much what my life is focusing on right now. There are lots of other things happening too, but I need to sort out my study plan and therapy plan first.

Kids are happy at home or at daycare, the girls are so ready for school on Monday. We are all looking forward to our daily routines, life just feels better when you have a schedule to follow right now.

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What do you enjoy the most? Vacation time or your every day life?

Meditation

Yeah! It’s Tuesday and time to share a trick or thing that I like. And since the guidance for this week was self love, self acceptance and taking time for you, I wanted to share a meditation video that can help raise your self love.

I also want to say that meditation should never be fancy or complicated.

Keeping it simple is the best way to experience meditation on a deep level.

Some people also find it hard to focus or just be quiet, I had the same issues in the beginning. That’s why I would always recommend guided meditation in the beginning. But as you manage to center yourself and clear your mind you will see that you can meditate everywhere.

Meditation is not always about sitting still in a quiet place. Sometimes the best meditation is done through a window while sitting on the bus, walking through the forest, taking a dance lesson, bird watching, fishing trip, practicing yoga asanas etc. etc. just remember to keep it simple!

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Coffee-hangout-Saturday ☕️

if we were having coffee today I would tell you it’s really nice to see you again, and that it had been way too long since last time.

 

 I would start by ordering a cup of tea, telling you that I have now been off coffee for almost 6 weeks. You would probably be excited for me since you know that I have wanted to quit coffee for a very long time.

I would also tell you that I have been off sugar for six days and it’s killing my mood. The first four days I was doing OK, but yesterday and today I have been a raging lunatic. and on top of that my arm has been aching more than usual, so I’m thinking about adding some sugar to lift my mood.

I would tell you that I know it’s a bad idea and if I stuck with it, it would probably be better in some days. But I just don’t have the will right now and I’m just going to be happy about being done with coffee for the time being.

I would probably be almost done with my tea by now, and suggest to change the location so we can get a drink instead. It is just one of those days.

As usual I would be talking fast and easily about everything that have happened since last time we met. And probably not let you in as much as you should in the conversation. I am just so eager to see you and share my life with you again. I really miss having coffee dates with you.

You would probably smile and laugh and say that it’s OK that I’m talking about myself, because you know that you will get your spotlight when I’m all dried out of thoughts and words.

During my little monologue I would tell you that I’m really stressed about my therapy this fall. My English classes are on the same day as my group therapy, And I am obligated to attend my English class every Tuesday as well as my group therapy.  I need to make a choice I am not ready to make. And it’s draining me.

But as you know I would always tell you that I’m not giving up, and that there must be a solution and even as I am talking about this I feel better and more ready to try to find the solution I need.

image source:http://joshua-graham.com/2014/04/24/never-give-up/

Our time is running out, as we sip our umbrella drinks in the bar. (i’m so happy you joined me in the bar after our coffee/tea). Buy just before we are about to leave I tell you that I am conflicted about the feelings I have about my ex. I sent him and his mother pictures of the kids again and I always write as a little as possible. But every time he responds I want to respond back. I tell you honestly that I haven’t so far. And I probably never will. But I’m scared. And that’s also why I brought this up just before we are leaving so we don’t need to discuss it or understand it together. I just want you to know because I trust you completely.

image source:http://www.thermomisslondon.com/176/five-delicious-summer-drinks-made-in-the-thermomix-tm-31/

As we leave I feel grateful for your friendship and I tell you I hope we see each other soon for another cup of coffee.