Life-as-it-is-Wednesday!

So getting back to writing feels perfect in my head, but it is way harder to actually get it done! And I feel deeply that I need it, so why is it so hard to just do it?

I guess it is like my studies too, I avoid it as long as I can even though I know I need it. And just like last fall and the fall before that I question my studies. Did I make the right choice? Should I stop this subject and instead take another one?

I am so afraid of failing and not being good enough that I put myself in this corner of fear. I tell myself everyday that I have made the wrong choices all along. And in the end I finally believe my evil voice..

So how can I be trapping out of therapy when I know I still are hurting myself in my head? Well I hope I now have the tools to take care of the healing and to clear my mind when it happens instead of falling into the well known dark hole.

The hole I seem to crawl at every fall.

Why is it like that? Why does the fall that I love so deeply also bring the darkest times in my life?

Well I guess it must have something to do with the heat and light that slowly disappear.  Maybe I’m not a fall person after all? Maybe I’m really a summer girl? Maybe seeing myself as a fall girl has made it okay for me to nurture my need of hiding and being alone?

What if I am a summer girl that loves people and loves the heat?

Well I do love the light and I do love the sun, the beaches and the sand. But I know in my core that I am an introvert. SO the people is okay, but I will never love the public. But having more people in my life is a goal, so maybe I can see myself as a summer girl that loves some attention and some happiness and joy 😉

Life is funny, and when I take my time to sit down like this to reflect I see that I am okay. That I am where I am supposed to be ❤

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Sunday song!

Another busy weekend! Here is a song I have been singing too all weekend long as I have been my kids personal driver 😉

Now I just finished tomorrows English classes, and now I am going out in the crazy snow we just got over the  last week. I hate it. But the kids are having so much fun, so I promised to go out and try my skies with them 😛 Hopefully I wont break anything 😉

 

Sunday song 🎧

This song has been my go-to song over the last couple of weeks, it raises my mood and gives me a great uplifting energy! Hope you all like it too ❤

 

Sunday song 🎧

Today my song is a tribute to a wonderful woman I got to know when I moved to the big city when I was only 19 years old. I shared a great time with her and her two girls as she was going through a divorce and I was going through the transition from teenager to young adult. She helped me to feel strong and curious about life ❤ Now she is remarried and have three young boys with her new husband. I havent stayed close to her over the last years, but we have kept track of each other through Facebook.  I remember her so well, and I remember last time we met in Thailand. She is so kind and wonderful, and she has always had a huge spot in my heart.

2016 is the year she is fighting breast cancer. 2016 is a year of heartbreak, but also strength. I totally believe she will win this fight. I have true faith in her strengt.

Today she posted this beautiful song made by her sons and their cousine. Its a tribute to her, and also a song about them standing together as a family fighting cancer. Its in Norwegian, but its just so powerful and it had to be my Sunday song ❤

I believe in your ability to fight Cathrine, my prayers and love are with you all ❤

#fuckcancer

Sunday song 🎧

Yesterday was a slow day, so I had decided that today was a day out in the snow. But the kids had friends they wanted to hang out with, so I stayed in and read a book that I was already behind on. It has to be done before my English lecture on this upcoming Tuesday. So happy I actually got some time for it today 🙂

The book is “The Absolute True Diary of a Part Time Indian” written by Sherman Alexie. The book is both funny and dark at the same time, so I had to find some uplifting and fun music tonight ❤

“Just A Girl”

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I’m exposed and it’s no big surprise
Don’t you think I know exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me to hold your hand

‘Cause I’m just a girl, a little ‘ol me
Well don’t let me out of your sight
Oh I’m just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don’t let me have any rights

Oh…I’ve had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons for me to run and hide
I can’t do the little things I hold so dear
‘Cause it’s all those little things that I fear

‘Cause I’m just a girl I’d rather not be
‘Cause they won’t let me drive late at night
Oh I’m just a girl, guess I’m some kind of freak
‘Cause they all sit and stare with their eyes

Oh I’m just a girl, take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh…I’ve had it up to here!

Oh…am I making myself clear?

I’m just a girl
I’m just a girl in the world…
That’s all that you’ll let me be!

I’m just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb makes me worry some
I’m just a girl, what’s my destiny?
What I’ve succumbed to is making me numb

Oh I’m just a girl, my apologies
What I’ve become is so burdensome
Oh I’m just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there’s no comparison

Oh…I’ve had it up to!
Oh…I’ve had it up to!
Oh…I’ve had it up to here!

source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nodoubt/justagirl.html

Sunday song :)

As I am trying to figure out my bachelor thesis the house is a complete crazy house! Kids are screaming and fighting and they just cant make anything work! So now I have forced all of them out in the snow! Hopefully they will last more than 30 minutes so I can enjoy some quiet time and get my head into this. But first some music to drive the stress away 🙂

Have a great Sunday!

“Fighter”

[Spoken:]
After all you put me through,
You think I’d despise you,
But in the end I wanna thank you,
‘Cause you’ve made me that much strongerWell I, I thought I knew you, thinkin’ that you were true
Guess I, I couldn’t trust called your bluff time is up
‘Cause I’ve had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames ’cause your greed sold me out in shame

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong
‘Cause if it wasn’t for all that you tried to do, I wouldn’t know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
‘Cause it

[Chorus:]
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I’d realize your game
I heard you’re going round playing the victim now
But don’t even begin feeling I’m the one to blame
‘Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies ’cause you’re wanting to haunt me
But that won’t work anymore, no more,
It’s over
‘Cause if it wasn’t for all of your torture
I wouldn’t know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
‘Cause it

[Chorus]

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you’ll see
YOU-WON’T-STOP-ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain’t gonna stop
There is no turning back
I’ve had enough

[Chorus]

You thought I would forget
But I remembered
‘Cause I remembered
I remembered
You thought I would forget
I remembered
‘Cause I remembered
I remembered

[Chorus]

source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/christinaaguilera/fighter.html

Sunday SONG!

Almost forgot this one, but as I am laying down in bed I just needed some comfort music, so here is some for you too! Have a great night sleep whenever that happen ❤

“Teardrop”

[Liz Fraser:]

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me, makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Night, night after day
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my…

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

You stumble in the dark
You stumble in the dark

Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/massiveattack/teardrop.html

Sunday song 🎧

The first Sunday of 2016 🙂 And a new year is all about setting an intention for the future. A blank page. Letting go and looking forward. But today I felt a bit nostalgic and remembered all the great music I used to listen to in my early twenties, I guess getting a year closer to 40(!) also makes me nostalgic, not sad or upset, just thoughtful and happy about everything I have experienced so far. Entering the forties will be a new page in my book of life. But I still have a year and some months in my thirties, so I’m going to enjoy that too 🙂 And music, new or old, is all about emotions and mood for me, and right now I feel a bit hungry for life, and ready to push myself a bit further. Push myself outside my comfort zone, really challenge myself that is my goal for 2016!

“I Think I’m Paranoid”

You can look, but you can’t touch
I don’t think I like you much
Heaven knows what a girl can do
Heaven knows what you’ve got to proveI think I’m paranoid
And complicated
I think I’m paranoid
Manipulate it

[Chorus:]
Bend me, break me
Anyway you need me
All I want is you
Bend me, break me
Breaking down is easy
All I want is you

I fall down just to give you a thrill
Prop me up with another pill
If I should fail, if I should fold
I nailed my faith to the sticking pole

I think I’m paranoid
Manipulate it
I think I’m paranoid
And complicated

[Chorus:]
Paranoid
I think I’m paranoid

[Chorus:]
Steal me, deal me, anyway you heal me
Maim me, tame me, you can never change me
Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me
Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me

Bend me
Break me
Anyway you need me
As long as I want you baby it’s all right

Bend me
Break me
Any way you need me
As long as I want you baby it’s all right.

Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/garbage/ithinkimparanoid.html