Old patterns..

I have written about my worst fear before. The fear of my sons school start. The fear of him being the misunderstood. The bully. The punk-ass kid no one likes. The disliked child.

The first 6 weeks went like heaven! The school didn’t understand my worries, because it went so well.

Well, then things turned. In a heartbeat.

Now he is the bully. He needs to be watched to protect another child.


I just don’t understand this. But I am not shrugging it off as an innocent thing either. I don’t understand his actions, and he can not explain them either.

Well, he is six years old.

He is not a demon child out to hurt anyone. He is not being cruel because he likes it. He just don’t understand certain social codes.

So before the fall break I spoke to his school and I had faith in the teacher and student counselor. I still do.

But I don’t have faith in the other child’s parents.

I have not spoken about this case with anyone around me for one single reason.


And I hold my son responsible for his part in this. And I want to give the school and him a chance to make the changes that is needed for. I give my son a chance to change. I don’t think this is his path to a life as a bully.

But today the other parents show me that they have no intention to see my son as a good child that can change.

They are talking about this case with other parents. So a parent I don’t know posted a message on Facebook in the class group that “someone” is being bullied and we need a meeting to solve this.

The parents need a meeting to solve this.

I just saw the gossip spread, the questions, and the feelings. The hate. The stress.

So in desperation I posted in the same group that I am aware of my sons actions, that we are being guided by the school and that they are doing their best to help both of these boys.

I don’t need a “town-meeting” where people meet up to figure out who this horrible bully of a kid is.

I need grown ups that understand that these kids are 6 years old and need guidance and help. But most of all more love and acceptance.

But my first thought when all this happened?

Well my son wasn’t the only one who went back to his old patterns. I was ready to pack my suitcase, throw the kids in the car and leave that place faster than ever!

But I stayed.

I want to fight for my son. He deserves someone who fights for him. He deserve to be given the chance to change. To understand his own lacks.

He is a good child. A caring and lovable child.

So I am rolling up my sleeves and I am getting ready for the biggest fight of my life!

Accepting his wrong doing, helping him to change and still never stop loving him!





Day 33 of gratitude 💙

My little man gets my gratitude today! He did amazing on his medical exam today. He has a mole that needed a chech up, and he has been stressed about it. But his doctor was amazing so now he is not scared about his upcoming appointment to get it removed at the hospital 👏🏻

Also tonight he went to a friends birthday party without me for the first time ever!! It felt like such a game changer 😁 no more baby boy, but a strong little man ready for school in the fall. Now mummy needs to get ready too 😉

#mylittleman #myhero 

Good or bad mum?

So I had a meeting on Tuesday regarding my little man. He is showing some different behavior than other kids his age, so daycare has been concerned. I have too. For awhile. So its okay to investigate.

BUT. At the meeting I asked the person from child protective services if there was some kind of support system that I could seek some help from since we all agree that my little man is in need of some male role modeling in his life. It is not the solution how I see it. But it is something he clearly needs. Her respond to me then was that she wanted me to do some parenting class. That I needed to learn more about boundaries and discipline. But if the investigation gave him any kind of diagnoses I wouldn’t need the classes.

This has been nagging me ever since

I have no problems with boundaries or discipline! I do with him as I did with his sisters. But he doesn’t respond the same way they did. Or other kids I have had to give boundaries and discipline through my work in daycare’s or at schools. And why would I have to take classes if there is something else going on with him? Why not wait till we have figured out all of this? Why the rush? Do they want to pin it on me so desperately? I will not stop investigating this even if they pin it on me.

I am doing my own private investigation through our doctor also.

He responds differently.

So what I need, is to figure out why he is responding differently.

And THEN I might need some classes to understand why he is responding differently. And probably also some guidance to learn how I can help him further in life.

He is such a lovely little boy. With great gifts. He is great at math and understand it better than his older sister who is 15 months older than him. He cares so deeply for everyone around him. And he is so creative in how he plays alone and with other kids.

So my mum claws are out.

I need to be 100% aware 24/7 now so they don’t pin this as MY issue as a parent, until at least everything else is investigated. I WILL take it all on me after further investigations if it is needed for. I am not scared to take my part in anything regarding my kids development and life’s.

But right now my intuition and experience is telling me there is something else going on with him. Something that we all need to help him with.

So he can have the best life he deserves to have ❤

Therefor my own life is a bit on hold, and I will probably feel the darkness at my toes again. But I am aware of all this. And when we have gotten to the bottom of this I will start my group therapy again. Right now my little man needs my attention. And he will get it.