So getting back to writing feels perfect in my head, but it is way harder to actually get it done! And I feel deeply that I need it, so why is it so hard to just do it?
I guess it is like my studies too, I avoid it as long as I can even though I know I need it. And just like last fall and the fall before that I question my studies. Did I make the right choice? Should I stop this subject and instead take another one?
I am so afraid of failing and not being good enough that I put myself in this corner of fear. I tell myself everyday that I have made the wrong choices all along. And in the end I finally believe my evil voice..
So how can I be trapping out of therapy when I know I still are hurting myself in my head? Well I hope I now have the tools to take care of the healing and to clear my mind when it happens instead of falling into the well known dark hole.
The hole I seem to crawl at every fall.
Why is it like that? Why does the fall that I love so deeply also bring the darkest times in my life?
Well I guess it must have something to do with the heat and light that slowly disappear. Maybe I’m not a fall person after all? Maybe I’m really a summer girl? Maybe seeing myself as a fall girl has made it okay for me to nurture my need of hiding and being alone?
What if I am a summer girl that loves people and loves the heat?
Well I do love the light and I do love the sun, the beaches and the sand. But I know in my core that I am an introvert. SO the people is okay, but I will never love the public. But having more people in my life is a goal, so maybe I can see myself as a summer girl that loves some attention and some happiness and joy 😉
Life is funny, and when I take my time to sit down like this to reflect I see that I am okay. That I am where I am supposed to be ❤